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The Most Awful Cycle In The World

January 10, 2011

Ugh.
Yes I have entered it. The binge/purge/restrict cycle and it’s so fucking hard to stop.

For a few weeks now I’ve found it very difficult to stop bingeing. I’m at a healthy weight, and have been now for several months, so I know it can’t be physical. It’s psychological crap.. I feel so out of control and disgusting and ashamed and loathsome and repulsive and vile and like I want to hide myself away. I hate my body. Or I hate what my eyes are showing me in reflection of my current mindset. I absolutely despise my appearance. I want to disappear.

I want to be at peace.

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2 comments

  1. Oh, my beautiful girl.

    I have missed you so much.

    This is exactly the same cycle that I have found myself in. I have been binging – not for physical reasons, but for psychological ones.

    It’s going to take a LOT of hard work to get ourselves out of this mess. But we CAN do it, girl.
    I am always here for you – I will support you in any way I can. Please, if you ever need to just reach out to someone, call on me.
    My email is Silence.xScreams@hotmail.com

    I’d appreciate sharing advice/words/concerns/thoughts with someone who knows what I’m going through, too.

    I love you so much.


  2. Shoot me an e-mail, I want to help. We’ll chat on FB or something…I need someone to talk too. Sorry I’m about 1 month late…



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