It’s been too long since I’ve posted and even longer since I commented. I feel very bad that I haven’t been keeping up with everyone but I just haven’t had the time nor energy.
There are some positives to this post though..
My mum and I successfully finished moving houses. It is such a stressful time for us both. I’m sure anyone who has gone through moving knows that it’s such a horrid thing to do. You live on adrenalin for days and then suddenly slump into a walking coma of exhaustion.
I’ve also been accepted into a hospital about 1 hours drive away. I’ll be admitted for 3-6 months.. depending on how I go. It’s seems funny that I am talking about this so casually, I thought that they would have to drag me there, kicking and screaming to actually force me to get better. But I want this to end. I want to learn to eat normally and heal my mental issues. It’s going to be so hard being out of my comfort zone, out of control, but that is the whole point I guess. I will miss my friends and family and my own bed. It’s going to be so tough and I’ve only just, if even, reached the tip of the iceberg.
Unfortunately my stomach issues haven’t gotten any better. My bingeing has continued and I’m so sick of it. The thing is, I set myself up for failure every single time and I know this. This cycle is so deadly and vicious yet so addicting.
I don’t feel too good about myself today. I know I will gain a bit weight from my bingeing, not enough to be noticeable.. but enough to drive me insane and lead me to take even more drastic action.
But I have a plan. Today I am making a concious choice to eat normally.. surely if I eat like I do now, binging, starving, binging, and don’t gain weight, I can eat like a normal person, breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks, some treats in between and not gain weight. It’s science. It’s proven. And yet I still do what I do. I know there are issues behind the weight, which many of you made me realize on my last post and I thank you all so much, the replies I received were of more help to me than you can imagine. But the issues, I can’t seem to acknowledge them. I am hoping at the centre they will help me identify these.
I started off today with breakfast, not just a cup of coffee, it felt uncomfortable when I finished because I woke up feeling full. This is something I have to get used to. Obviously in the centre they will not let me get away with skipping meals. I guess it’s better that I get a head start.
After all, breakfast is for champions, as said by one lovely champion herself!
Banana bread oatbran(oatbran, banana, vanilla protein powder, cinnamon) sprinkled with flaxseed + coffee with soymilk.
But really, you are all champions in my eyes. 
I promise to catch up with all of you as soon as I can.. I can’t bear to be away from my bloggie friends any longer.
